someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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