Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
