I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
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