What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
