So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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