ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
