i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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