guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My life is pants optional.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
