I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
This toilet bowl is my home.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
