Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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