Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
