I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
