I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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