Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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