turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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