if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize