Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
