The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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