after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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