It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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