her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
