dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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