I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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