Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
