there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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