I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
