A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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