You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Jerry, you need to find god
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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