I faked an abortion last night.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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