help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
