I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
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