One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
