I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
