she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
