I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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