This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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