Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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