At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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