can u get pink eye on your cock?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
