I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
