There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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