Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
