i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
