Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
