good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
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