So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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