Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
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I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
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Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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