Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
