guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize