he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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