You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
