Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
