Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
