make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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