I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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