You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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