i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she peed on how many people?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
