the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
