I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
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Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
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Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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